Social Cruelty—A New American Pastime

American Idol enjoyed its climb to fame and pop culture dominance during a time when my family was busy moving.  So when my friend called me two years ago to say that her eldest came home from school stating that he was “the only person in his class that did not watch American Idol last night.”  I was more than a little surprised.  We commiserated begrudgingly that we were crossing a line in the maturing process where peer pressure was entering the equation.

Even worse, though, was my realization that this was the way the majority of American families were spending their “family time.”  Wasn’t there a time in the not so distant past when families threw around a ball together and considered baseball America’s pastime?

I caught glimpses of Idol earlier on and, initially, couldn’t understand the lure.  Then I remembered that when I was a bit older than ten I loved to watch live entertainment on TV, particularly if a young teen idol like Shaun Cassidy or Andy Gibb were the stars.  And I would have preferred said show to baseball.  My parents were usually in the room while I watched—the whole family was because the sole TV in the house in the TV Room.  My parents seemed pretty detached from my enthusiasm and certainly felt comfortable commenting on outfits, gestures and lyrics.

The disturbing bit for me with Idol, and the reason I chose not to start watching back then, was my concern that so many kids were witness to the criticism Simon Cowell doled out so liberally.  As I write this today, I recognize that the implicit endorsement of this type of behavior that comes from witnessing such interactions with the primary teachers of social behavior in a child’s life—his parents—may send an even more powerful message than Simon’s taunts.

I remain hopeful that some parents are choosing to use Cowell’s remarks as “teachable moments” about how we humans observe behavior and then decide how to treat each other.

Back in the ‘70s adults certainly were aware that kids said and did mean things to each other and they confirmed that this is how kids act.  But generally, our parents and other adults surrounding us engaged in a world of social propriety even with people they weren’t particularly fond of.  They may have gossiped or griped about that person behind their back, but the social atmosphere at the time was different.

I believe that American Idol and the rest of the “reality TV” genre have left an indelible impression on our culture and not a positive one.  Sadly, I believe that one of the key messages kids may have been left with is that it’s okay to survey and comment (usually negatively) on the behavior and performance of others—particularly when there’s an audience.  These portrayals of social cruelty coupled with access to digital social networks open up new arenas for more widespread social cruelty among our youth.

You Tube views of various Idol performances have reached into the low millions.  But here’s something I find very curious:

Susan Boyle’s Britain’ Got Talent performance has received over 87 million views on YouTube. There’s no doubt that her voice is amazing and she’s a talented and gifted artist.  But ultimately, I believe, the heavy global viewing of Boyle’s clip was because prior to her performance she was unfazed by Simon’s persona and her sheer talent managed to silence Simon, the schoolyard bully.  Ditto for six-year old Connie Talbot’s performance with 67 million views.

Though Simon Cowell left Idol last month, he’s just setting up shop with a nearly duplicate show hoping he can amass still more millions from his rude persona and our collective obsession with celebrity.

Maybe at this point our culture has received its fill.  In the words of Winston Churchill:

“You can always count on Americans to do the right thing–after they’ve tried everything else.”

By the time most of  you read this the 2010 Winter Olympics—a truer version of reality TV, although definitely not a reality for most of us–will be over.  But Olympic events are just a small bit of the vast array of digital media that afford us more ways than ever to inspire our children for the realities of their lives.  And while the majority of our kids won’t appear in the Olympics or on American Idol, digital media give them the opportunity to present their unique gifts and talents to an audience that will appreciate them.

If today’s quote that Simon Cowell is ready for “little Simons” with his new love is true, I wonder how he will feel when his new love and “little Simones” endure his brand of lack of regard for the feelings of others.

Parents, and you, Simon as a potential-parent-to-be,  it’s time to do the right thing.  Use the immense digital resources at your disposal to start conversations with kids about their behavior and the behavior they witness in their peers.  Tell them to expect bad social behavior and arm them with responses to it.  Find examples of people using their lives to inspire and uplift others.